2015-0515_tainted_love

                                      Hair: Likeli, Afro
                                      Top: Gizza, part of Melinda outfit
                                      Trouserboots: Zibska, Axelle
                                      Bangles: Mandala, Milky Way
                                      Skin: Glam Affair, Neva
                                      Moles: Belleza
                                      Location: Neva River
                                      Pose:

I have been in the mood for the music of the 80s these days. Someone dear to me has been ill, terminally ill. And that makes me think about things – Am I doing what I want with my life? Do I take every opportunity that comes to me? Am I taking any steps towards checking off items from my bucket list?  Sadly, the past couple of years, I have lost a few people I love. It has been a tough road, probably part of growing up. Losing people you love, to an illness, is not a typical part of your life when you are 18 years old. When you are in your late 30s, it is a different story. While it is still not typical, it is not shocking either.  It is sobering & frightening, but it also prepares you to understand how fleeting life is.

Before I start going on a tangent, as is my habit, let me get back to the point of this post, which is to share the biggest lesson in all this.  What I have learned is that people behave vastly differently, when they are approaching death – or rather when death is approaching them. Some become kind and giving, or more so. They share all their affection, give their possessions away, and start (or continue) to become the center of love.  Others get angry, and anything, or anyone, around them can be the target of that. Maybe that makes it easier to let go. Maybe it helps not to have friends and family watch you wither & evaporate, to do that in private. Or maybe it helps distracting one from the reality that one’s reality is about to end. I think no matter how hard we try, we won’t know what it feels like to be close to the end until it is our turn. I do not mean to for this post to be morose and take the wind out of your sail. My intention is to share with you my renewed appreciation for life, and for the people in my life – those whose presence has brought joy, whose support has allowed me to be courageous, has allowed my life to expand beyond what I thought possible, and to have been able to share my life with them and theirs with me.  As I saw in a recent FB post from Absi, take a moment to brag about those you love, and let them know what they mean to you.  It often feels they already know, or that there will be time for that. Sometimes, in a blink of an eyes, life takes an unforeseen turn. Don’t let your life be a series of missed opportunities.  Let it be a road full of chances you have taken, failures and successes, and most importantly full of the hearts you have filled to the brim with joy.  *steps off the soapbox and dusts her skirt* That’s what I will be doing, for certain. And those who don’t want to be on this journey, who don’t reach out and extend their affection, well, that’s their loss.

Sometimes I feel I’ve got to
Run away I’ve got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I’ve lost my light
For I toss and turn I can’t sleep at night

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I’ll run from you
This tainted love you’ve given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that’s not nearly all
Oh tainted love
Tainted love

Now I know I’ve got to
Run away I’ve got to
Get away
You don’t really want it any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you’ll think love is to pray
But I’m sorry I don’t pray that way

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I’ll run from you
This tainted love you’ve given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that’s not nearly all
Oh tainted love
Tainted love

Don’t touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I’m going to pack my things and go
Tainted love, tainted love
Tainted love, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love

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azul_camilleDress: Azul, Camille (@JoinHandsForNepal)


i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
-E. E. Cummings

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Azul angel (unedited)

This is a super quick post.  This weekend I was finally able to put my home office back together, as all the home construction details are done in that room. I am so happy to be back in my office, and have some order restored. In the middle of all the moving and unpacking, and before I had had a chance set up my desktop, I took a break on my lappy.  I was poking around Nordan om Jorden, err….. fluttering around I mean. I couldn’t resist posting a raw shot (cropped) from that little break.

I just love the wings and the way they shimmer in light. The dress and wings are from Azul, found at Fantasy Fair, and is called Pepeke (note that 100% of the earnings will be donated to RFL). The hair is from Baiastice, called Wind hair, that I got a couple of years ago. The pose was in my photo-stand (another oldie that I have had for years), and frankly I have no memory of how and where the pose came from. It is called Fluke Lightness.

Anyhow, I like Leda doll in the light with her wings fluttering, hence deciding to post an unedited picture, celebrating the slow progress of life back to normal. Though, normalcy in SL is a whole other matter all together.  Memories and friendships seem fleeting more often than not – which makes this picture somewhat more appropriate. I never quite understood that. Maybe I take life too seriously, I am not sure. But, I have given up trying to understand it. Just letting it be. And, believe me, giving up on understanding something, for me, is like giving up heroine for an addict. Trying to understand things, and thinking about them, are what gives my life meaning. But, then again, not everything should have that pull, right? You should let somethings just roll off your shoulder.  Yeah, yeah, I am growing up. Woohoo? ;)

Hope y’all are having a great Sunday. <3

 

 

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2015-0416_daydream

DRESS: Gizza, Absinthe (new release, Black Fashion Fair event)
NECKLACE: FIINESMITH, FOLIEOLE ONYX (bought some time ago at the shop)
HAIR: *booN BGN462 (bought recently at the shop)

Does everyone’s life have as much as drama as mine? Or am I just singled out by some higher power as being particularly badass and capable of handling curveball after curveball? Oh well, at some point you just have to laugh it off as some black comedy. I am not going to bore you with all the details. Instead, I am going to tell you that in spite of all that, I am still going to try to look for those moments that give me pleasure – whether it is some playtime in SL, or take a moment to read a good poem, take an afternoon to go on a photography walk on the beach, or visit a friend simply to share a hug. I know my presence has not been consistent lately, but please know that your welcoming hellos or offline miss-yous brighten my day.  Also, since a lot of the drama has been about good things, I have a feeling 2015 will be a great year!

I love this dress by Gizza. I know the photograph is a bit too dark to show all the lovely things I like about the outfit, but I love it. It reminds me of this great outfit I have loved by Lelutka. If you are an old-timer, you might know the Sunday/red dress from oh so many years ago. The Gizza dress is one of those things that you can style in so many different ways, make it high fashion, make it casual, or dress it up for a black-tie affair. Anyways, I love this dress. And, the BooN hair is one of my new favorites. Hope y’all find favorites to play with everyday. Even if it is the same pose over and over like mine! *chuckle*

Here is a poem, wishing you all great dreams, and wishing that many come true:

A Dream Within a Dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow:
You are not wrong who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand–
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep–while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

-Edgar Allan Poe

 


 

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Leda’s Rambling: Summer Loving

Have I ever mentioned how bad I am at decorating? Well, I am.  Have you ever seen me post a photograph of my new bedroom or anything that I have decorated? No. And that’s exactly why.  When I used to own my land, it was basically a sandbox. It would take me so long to [...]

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Leda’s Rambling: In Awe…

Once again two of my favorite, talented, and wonderfully sweet designers have added something to the world that tingles my soul, fills my cup, and reminds me why I am still here. Yeah, the nostalgic bit brought to you by my approaching my 8th Rez day! *blows her SL-grey hairs out of her face* Anyhow, [...]

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Meet Miss Sweden 2015: Jamee Sandalwood

a Model: Jamee Sandalwood; Photo by J4ck Nichols I met Jamee Sandalwood-Binder some years ago, through a friend who used to be a photographer and referred to Jamee as a “very nice lady.”  I am not a big fan of the adjective “nice” in general; it seems one of those all encompassing adjectives to use when [...]

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Leda’s Rambling (on Don’s Blog): I Love You Without Knowing How

I am sharing a post that I worked on for Don’s blog. It took us only 10 months to plan it, after all. What has always occupied my mind is love and its ingredients: What does love mean? When do you decide you love someone? Is there really a difference between falling in love, being [...]

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Leda’s Rambling: Wait For Me

Someone recently introduced me to Kings of Leon. I have somewhat of an eclectic taste when it comes to music. I am a lover of music, simply cannot imagine life without it, without exploring it, and without a chance to be immersed in it. Before I go on a tangent as is my habit, back [...]

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Leda’s Rambling: Search for my Second Wind

I have come back from a fairly extensive break.  The reasons for it are in multitude and out of the scope of this rambling. But, breaks have been known to be undoubtedly helpful – whether at work or at play.  I think the same rule applies to SL.  While, after 7.5 years, I had a [...]

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