For some reason, I have started wanting to be in SL like my first days of arriving. I am talking staying up till 2am, and poking my head in any chance I get. I have no idea what is going on. Part of it is that I have had some great things happen at work, and I have more time to play. But, even without that, after being out of my house for a few months due to flooding, it just seemed like the habit and the desire with it was gone. And before you ask, no, I am not in love. I do know that the “ferocious return to SL” happens that way sometimes. I have friends who have gotten their fire back after a new love. But, that’s not what is happening in my case. Not only because I am a born again virgin, but that I am just not SL-romance material. Ask anyone who has ever asked me on a date. Oh, wait. No one exists in that set :P  Enough about that.  Back to having the SL fire lit again.

Have you ever had the experience of coming back to SL, after an absence, and sort of being lost? Your friends are there, and they are kind enough to say hello and see what you are up to. But, you don’t have a rhythm, and standing around naked – hours on end – to clean and organize your inventory is too much like RL. If I were to do that, I would just log out and clean up my office. But, recently, I saw a friend post on FB asking who wants to hang out and play. Simple and brilliant idea.

So, here I am, lovelies. Taking roots again. Anyone wants to hang out? I like photography, exploring interesting sims – either visually or intellectually, talking about the meaning of life, lots of things. In fact, one tab in my profile explains it best:

I have an active mind, and many interests. Do you want to talk about the meaning of life? 
politics? philosophy? psychology? poetry? photography? 
art? about books? movies? music? 
about surfing the web? 
swimming? sky-diving? 
chasing whales? 
road trips? 
throwing parties? 
pondering linguistic questions? 
what else do you want then??

In the meantime, I am enjoying another gorgeous creation from Zibska. If you are going to ask me to dance in this outfit, you better bring a lot of bandaids. But, one thing I promise. It will be worth it! The dress, I mean.

2015-0614_taking_roots

Dress: Zibska, Olympe; Hair: Zibska, Lucille
Lashes: Discovery, Mile-High; Skin: Belleza, Amberly
Pose: Fluke, Kiss

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Have you noticed that I have been rambling a lot lately? If you have been kind enough to me to read my ramblings, you might have noticed that I had been MIA for a few months. I have hinted at the reasons here and there, and I won’t bore you with repeating them all over again. One important lesson and/or story that came from that experience was to know how valuable people are who fill various spaces in my life. Tangential to that – yeah, what would a Leda rambling be without a tangent – is that friendships can be very delicate, albeit fulfilling.

This friendship story is from my work place. Yup, I am all grownup and have job :P It is not as if I have had a lot of jobs in my life. A side effect of going to graduate school and getting a phd. It takes so darn to go through the whole thing, particularly when you get a BA and a BS, before you decide to continue to masters and the rest of it. The point being that I don’t have a lot of job experiences. Even with little experience, usually, I keep professional and personal relationships separate. I find that to be the easiest on me. Recently, I broke that rule.  When I joined this start-up I am with now, I was the only female engineer on-site, and pretty proud & excited when they hired the second one a year after. So, after a year, and the two of us being in the pack of the “senior” engineers, we started being friends. Sharing personal tales and memories. For me, I tried to maintain a righteous path even though I became her manager. She was the only one I would confide in. I expected, mistakenly perhaps, that this was a two-way street. Recently, a very important project came to me, and in the process I found that it had been a one-way street the whole time. It is not just that my feelings got hurt, but also that it made me think about whether it is important to keep the boundary of personal and professional separate. I am conflicted. On the one hand, it is sweet to have someone who follows the details of your professional ramblings. On the other hand, it is disturbing to feel vulnerable at work, particularly being a female in the tech world which is known to not be necessarily kind to females. I am still scratching my head and thinking about this. Do y’all have similar experiences? What are your thoughts on the issue?

One thing I have always enjoyed in SL, as I have mentioned in the past posts, is the certain degree of anonymity that SL offers. It helps you share more than what one might have in RL, while at the same time you share less of some other aspects of life. It allows for the kind of friendships to flourish that might not have, had we been meeting in person. I do enjoy my SL friends tremendously. Particularly the ones who let me abuse them on a poseball, just because I have a new outfit I want to show off. They allow me to relax, have a creative outlet for my thoughts, and at the same time create a space for sharing friendships. Here is a picture of my friend, Divi, who visited me while I was wearing one of my favorite outfits that is a combination of pieces  made by the lovely Giz, and always outstanding Zib. Thank you to all of you who make my SL worth visiting and playing in.

 2015-0612_fill_the_space

Dress: Gizza, Scarlett dress (new)
Necklace & earrings: Zibska, Gemma (new)
Bracelett & watch: Gizza, Asia
Hair: Diva, Tina
Skin: Belleza, Amberly
Eyes: Ikon, destiny
Pose: oOo, honey collection
Location: Neva River

I’m on my knees 
only memories 
are left for me to hold 
Don’t know how 
but I’ll get by 
Slowly pull myself together 
There’s no escape 
So keep me safe 
This feels so unreal 
Nothing comes easily 
Fill this empty space 
Nothing is like it seems 
Turn my grief to grace 
I feel the cold 
Loneliness unfold 
Like from another world 
Come what may 
I won’t fade away 
But I know I might change 
Nothing comes easily 
Fill this empty space 
Nothing is like it was 
Turn my grief to grace 
Nothing comes easily 
Where do I begin? 
Nothing can bring me peace 
I’ve lost everything 
I just want to feel your embrace

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If you happened to have read the last post, you will know why I am posting an anti-romantic picture this time. This is, perhaps, more in tune with my profile and the warning therein about not falling in love. One thing to note is that I would have no problem getting married in black. I mean why would the color matter anyways. The connection between white and lightness is what the dress symbolizes in many cultures. However, let’s be real. Humans are complicated beings, and as a result, there is no escaping the fact that relationships among them is even more complicated. I don’t strive for simplicity…..well, only in terms of furniture maybe. But, in no other aspect of life, I embrace simplicity. That’s maybe my whole problem. But, I am attracted to complex issues, complex beings, complex world views. So, before I start going on about my philosophical view about life, back to the Azul bridal gown in this picture. The point being that I embrace not only its complexity of design, but also its color.  And, to just add a touch of feminine complexity to it, I added the shoulder accessories from Zibska.

I took the photograph in one of my favorite places on the grid, MomentoMori.  Going there today, made me miss my friend Finni.  That’s where Finni and I had our very first photo-shoot together. And, we did keep going back to it. I miss Finni. I miss many of my SL friends that have at some point in the past 7 years said goodbyes.  I have mentioned in that past that I care deeply and I live my life the same in both worlds. While it means my connections in SL are real friendships and add great value to my life; it also means that losing a friend breaks my little heart into uneven pieces. This place holds so much memory for me, so I thought it appropriate for location of a shoot about life’s complexities, bridal gowns, and an anti-romantic picture.  Don’t expect the trend to continue though. I have already tapped a couple of male friends on the shoulder for my next couple of photographs. Did I mention one of the reasons I adore my SL friends is that they let me abuse them on poseballs for hours on end? No, not that kind of poseball!

runaway_bride

Dress: Azul, Regina Bridal Gown
Shoulders: Zibska, Fiachra
Hair: Argrace, Hakaru
Pose: Peter’s Run Away Bride

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A friend recently teased me that for an eternally single girl I post a lot of romantic pictures.  What can I say? I blame it on my typist. She is hopelessly romantic and a poet. Mixed that with being a scientist and living in the tech world. What do you get? A paradox of sorts that is too logical to fall, yet too dreamy not to be charmed by romance. And, since she is a scientist, she looks for cause & effect, for correlations, for a way to make everything fit – so comes SL photography, an outlet for it all.  Now and again, I think about posting a poem of mine. I have even gotten to the point of putting it in a post. But, pushing “publish” stops me.  Like many people, I enjoy a certain degree of anonymity in SL. I want to emphasize _certain degree_.  I do not prescribe to the SL is separate from RL philosophy. Well, if I did, I would not have had my RL photograph on my profile. I don’t try to live two distinct lives. My photograph in 1st life tab symbolizes that I don’t do or say anything that my typist could not stand behind.  At the same time, I won’t go around sharing my phone number, my publications, or my home address all over the grid.  It is a funny line, this line. I can’t even describe it in details. I am comfortable – and even somewhat proud – that I don’t completely hide behind an avatar. At the same time, I enjoy aspects of not being completely exposed. Perhaps, it makes me less vulnerable.

Anyways, the point of this post being that I have a deep gratitude for people in my life, for being able to feel so deeply, and for being able to have a venue to express it.  The depth scares me occasionally, but not often. At the end….perhaps  Anaïs Nin said it best: “I must be a mermaid, Rango. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”

In the meantime, I have had great fun with this new outfit from Gizza.  And guess what? While I was swimming in the depth of my inventory, I found this old Mandala necklace (gosh, must be like 5 years old) that matches it perfectly! Don’t you love when it happens?  Particularly, since it hardly ever happens these days, unless you are using two great great builders who have been making quality products no matter how far back you go. And, trust me, I go back.  My first reporting of Gizza was in 2011, and Mandala in 2010! Yup, I am an old SL geezer. So, please be kind to those old old posts.

2015-0606_still_missing_you

 Dress: GizzA Cathy Blazer Dress
Necklace: Mandala
Shoes: Gos

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